Lately, I’ve been feeling like curling up into a cocoon and letting life pass me by for a while, which is pretty much exactly what I’ve been doing. Just to be clear, I’m not depressed. While I’m not exactly giddy with joy, I don’t spend my time crying or wallowing in pity or despair, either. On the contrary, I’ve come up with some great ideas that I’d like to bring to fruition in the very near future and feel great hope that things will work out to awesomeness. Eventually.
The reason I want to curl up into a cocoon because I’m so tired - like, all the time. Even when I’m not tired, I’m tired. I understand that this is just part of having fibromyalgia, but damn! Surely there’s something that can be done to help me get back to being a productive member of society, right? Seriously, at this point, I’m ready to go see a shaman or a witch doctor - anybody who might be able to help me get my mojo back.
Oh, and let’s not even talk about all the “bad luck” I’ve had over the last couple of years. Well, okay, let’s do talk about it. At my house, I’m called The Black Hole of Negativity – not because I complain or have a bad attitude, but because I’ve had such bad luck the last couple of years that my life has become a shining example of Murphy’s Law. You know Murphy’s Law, right? It states, “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and at the worst possible time.” That has been my life in a nutshell the last few years – and not only does it not seem to be letting up, it seems to be getting worse. It hasn’t been all doom and gloom, I admit. I have been very blessed in many ways, especially with having Tater. However, it just seems like I have as many problems pop up as I have blessings, if not more.
Without getting into details, I’ll just say that I’m dealing with more than one situation in which having to completely rebuild my life is a very real possibility. What sucks is that I’m not even involved in a couple of these situations, but will be directly affected by the outcomes, which are completely out of my control. How’s that for bad luck? On top of that, I’m facing an organic transformation of my life as Little Tiger prepares to leave for college next school year.
I dare say that with all of this swirling around me, if I could see what my life will be like this time next year, I may not even recognize it. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though. I’ve been through enough to know that having to let go of things that no longer serve me can suck like hell as it’s happening, but doing so leaves room for better things to enter my life, if I’ll just give it time. I’m totally fine with certain things around here changing. I’ve been bombarded daily with negative energy in one form or another, so if whatever changes come take that away, I think that’s fabulous.
What’s really happening, though, is that the universe is teaching me what’s important and what’s not. What I can tell you is that most of the crap we deal with everyday isn’t important. If you wake up tomorrow to find it all gone, you’ll survive. Well, unless there’s a zombie apocalypse, in which case, all I can say is good luck with that. But, seriously…Money comes and goes. If you lose your job, you can get another one. If you lose it all, you can make more. Things break, wear out, get lost – none of that matters. If you’re holding onto your money, your things, or your status, you’re not focused on what’s important. Hold onto people, not things. Hold onto love. That’s what’s important – and I totally understand why you’re doing it. There’s just nothing quite like having ten dollars left out of your entire paycheck to get you through the week, is there? Been there, done that. I don’t want to ever do it again, but I know that if I have to, I can.
If I had more energy, I’d be saying, “Bring it on, bitches!” But, in my current state, I’m not so sure I have the inner resources to deal with the kinds of monumental changes I’m facing, whether good or bad. So, I guess it’s time to batten down the hatches. (Let’s hope they hold). I just want to sleep. Wake me up when it’s over, okay? Night night. Zzzzzzzz…
Really, it’s no joke. The other day, I slept for 13 1/2 hours, took a two-hour nap, then still went to sleep early that night. I started this post this morning, napped while Tater napped, and I’m still struggling to stay awake long enough to finish this. I’ve been offered my old job back at the pharmacy – I could certainly use the money – but I honestly don’t see how I could survive it. That job left me drained and worn out even when I was in good, kick-ass shape. Right now, I don’t think I could even make it through half of a shift. The least little bit of stress sets my body on fire and all I know to do is to take naproxen and a hot shower to bring it down a notch. I feel downright disabled. All I know is this is bad and I need to fix it – somehow.
- Embrace Negative Thinking: Murphy’s Law as a Planning Tool (fullcontact.com)